“What comes on your deli sandwiches?” Uh, if you’d fucking looking a foot in front of your nose, you’d see the SANDWICH ORDER FORMS where you PICK WHAT YOU WANT ON YOUR FUCKING SANDWICH.
“Can you slice that peach pie for me?” OF COURSE! Let me slice an ENTIRE FUCKING PIE just for YOU because you want ONE FUCKING PIECE!
“Do I pay for everything in here or at the register?” Hum-de-fucking-dum, well, does it look like we have a God damned register in here? OR DO YOU THINK YOU SHOULD ACTUALLY GO TO THE FUCKING REGISTER?
“I didn’t bring my reading glasses. Can you read what’s on the sandwich form to me?” OF COURSE! I have NOTHING better to do and the five customers behind you can TOTALLY wait! I recommend turkey with a hearty slathering of GO FUCK YOURSELF.
“Oh no! Is the café really closed?” NOPE! The sign that says we close at 5:45 is just a practical joke! HA HA HA!
“There’s no toilet paper in the ladies’ room!” YES, ask ME, the girl who works in the kitchen, about the toilet paper. YES, because that is definitely something a kitchen assistant takes care of, not anyone who works at the front!
“Are you really out of cinnamon rolls?” NOPE! This batch is just invisible!
“What are these?” Well, I mean, it fucking says BREAD PUDDING on the clamshell, so yeah, it’s definitely NOT bread pudding!